This is my 4th year of teaching (and my 6th year if counting how long I’ve worked in secondary schools in other capacities)… but with 150 names on the roster per academic year, that means about 600 different students have had me as their teacher. Whew! That’s 600 someday adults who will go on to other things in the world in the future. They will be mothers, fathers, managers, corporate workers, accountants, teachers, doctors, lawyers, writers, actors, social workers, travelers, interpreters, and overall… members within various communities.
When I think about the implication of WHO they will become, I’m humbled to be a teacher and half-chuckle about what they will think of me and their 8th grade English Language Arts class. Probably something to the effect of, “She gave a lot of homework,” “She seemed frazzled sometimes with how loud we would get,” “She was very matter of fact,” “We read and wrote a lot,” are all things I imagine them saying, but I don’t expect to hear a lot of “We really connected,” or “I feel like she knew me well,” or anything too sentimentally life-changing.
I had an important Mentor that would read and respond to my writing when I was in 8th grade, but it wasn’t my English teacher, it was my youth pastor. Yep, I turned in “papers” to school, but I would write about my life and analyze biblical text outside of an “academic environment.”
With so many students each year, it can feel near impossible to give them the necessary amount of attention, especially with more district emphasis placed on testing and having to data-ize it all. I see the payoff to really “know your kids’ skills,” but I'm not sure if you really get to know your students as people…
Reading 5280 magazine last month for Colorado’s 50 Top Schools, there was an article about the “Teacher of the Year” who basically sounded like a crazy wonder-robot. For realz! She gets up at 2am to lesson plan until 4am, followed by working out, showering, then getting to school around 6:45 and teaching all day until 3:30pm. I closed the article in disgust and thought no wonder teachers in the 1800s one-room schoolhouse couldn’t be married… Is it really possible to have a life and maintain an idealistic level of excellence in this profession?! What about all the hours needed to maintain personal responsibilities, let alone time for pursuing creativity?! Maybe I require more time alone than the average non-artist teacher (haha, like anyone would want a non-creative teacher, hahaha)…
Teach for America might provide kick-ass educators to inner city schools for two years, but I firmly believe anyone can do anything for two years. Most TFAs go on to other things… I’m talking about BURN OUT vs. SUSTAINABLE PRACTICE. What are realistic expectations? Coaching, sponsoring, continuing professional development, etc…
I love my job. I’m good at my job. I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally tired when I leave my job. But do I really want to do anything else? I’m afraid anything else won’t really satisfy. I don’t want to lose myself in some mindless 40-clock hour factory occupation. Teaching is DYNAMIC!!! It’s just all the other stuff outside of teaching that sucks away at your soul, or to quote Stephen King, makes “your brain on jumper cables.” I don’t have ADHD, but when I’m in classroom it is next to impossible to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes without some dire interruption.
As far as the students… they are MINE. I see them as my responsibility and I take that on whole-heartedly… and yet it is easy to screw it up… to miss the individual, and for that I apologize to specific students and try to give myself the GRACE needed to continue…
Dear Student,
I know you don’t think I care about you. I know you only think I care about you turning in homework. And while it is true that I want you to do your work, you should know it’s only because I want you to TRY. It makes me sad to think that you don’t care enough about your “education” to even try and complete assignments that you’re probably perfectly capable of doing. But maybe you don’t try because you don’t see the point in doing said assignment.
I get it. Perhaps I have not communicated the reasons behind why I assign certain assignments enough. Perhaps you need a better reason to complete and turn in homework other than just, “I want to see what you know and can do.” Sure, that makes sense to me. Will failing 8th grade change your life? Probably not because in this district the powers that be will move you to 9th grade anyway – yet, you’ll know that you didn’t try… and I’m scared that you may give up on trying altogether when it comes to schooling and that REALLY can mess up your future opportunities.
Yes, I get that you have bigger issues on your mind than passing my class. I understand that working towards a graduation degree five years down the road doesn’t answer your immediate need for social acceptance, self-identity, and physical needs. Trying for grades won’t achieve any of those. However, if you could perhaps just seek to find things in this class that are useful, maybe there would be SOMETHING that could make your life more meaningful for knowing them? Who knows.
After this year, you’ll never have to do 8th grade again, or take this class again, but in the meantime, I just ask that you give it a chance. I’m not writing you off as a learner, so please don’t write me off as a teacher either (because I do care), and I think some part of you does too (even if you have other WAY more important things going on – that’s okay).
Thanks for reading.
