Teachers don’t expect their students to die – Experiencing grief and loss at school

The faculty found out on Friday that one of our students had passed away, but was told not to release the information to students until this morning (so they would have school counseling support this week).

When I opened my work email this morning I found the school release letter as planned by the administration. I passed the information out to students to read quietly, because I did not want to be the one to read it aloud. Since it was an upperclassman that died, I knew a lot of my 8th grade students wouldn’t know the student unless they were in Glee club (grades 6-12). 


This year, I’ve helped to co-sponsor Glee Club at my school, and in fact it was only last week that the hit TV show GLEE aired their winter finale episode about teen suicide. In the case of our student’s death, the cause has yet to be determined. This feels like a frustrating fact for those wanting to mourn and not quite sure how. Was there something we could have seen or done? An accident? Either way, we find ourselves without her. A loss feels like a loss no matter what – you can’t bring the person back. 
Thinking back, I remember _____ dancing and smiling, a very happy person. LMFAO’s ‘Party Rock Anthem’ was her personal theme song. She could shuffle like no other (seriously making people jealous of her moves), and would often choreograph our group number dances. She took special time with the 6th graders to making them feel just as important in the club- ‘cool’ to be hanging out with someone older. She had a good heart and was a willing leader in our school community. 


No sooner than taking time with Glee club students to reminisce about ______, at 11:30 am this morning an older high school student walks into my class to talk to her 8th grade sister, who then immediately bursts out crying. I thought the reaction had something to do with their family, but then another 8th grade student said it had to do with a girl who played soccer with them.
Again, I wasn’t thinking it was a student of ours. I thought it a weird coincidence sure, but again, not thinking I knew whom it was. 

Then at lunch time I figured out who (by then), everyone was talking about… God, our ____? What?!By some crazy medical reason we don’t even know yet? Are you sure? She was the picture of health on Friday. I don’t understand. This hits me even more than _________. Thus on the same day of revealing our first loss, our students found out about the second tragedy.

Teachers walked around as numb, dumb-founded, not letting ourselves become too emotional over the loss. We put on a good face for the students and for each other. 


But now it’s after-hours and I can mourn as much and as openly as I want to. Yes death is a common thing. Everyone has to, and will die. But as a teacher (similar to a parent), you expect your students to live beyond you – to accomplish amazing things in the future. 


There’s not enough rationality about death to stop me from feeling the supreme sorrow of having to separate this life from two beautiful, talented, positive, young girls with so much yet to experience… so much to contribute to the world. It’s maddening really. 


So upon my face, upon the page, I try to get it all out. Got to let everything go so I can be put back together again for tomorrow. 


Shrines/ memorials have started to accumulate around the girls’ lockers: cards, flowers, pictures, and notes. They’ll stay up until Wednesday. Funeral services are later this week – and in all this I’m thinking about what to teach next. 


I wish there were something more relevant than “Grammar Notes” on the docket for tomorrow. Yet I think it’s best to present ‘business as normal’ as much as possible, especially for those students who didn’t know either girl very well. 
Grief takes time, and today was too sudden. No time to prepare and say goodbyes. It will most likely take my students (and fellow teachers) awhile to deal with this loss in our everyday.

If you pray, remember our community in your thoughts this week. I’m sure there will be a follow up to this post later on. It’s too new and raw to be actualized processing at this point. 

*The suggestions below I took from another teacher at school today. Not sure where she found them, but I think they’ll help students tomorrow* 


The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss. 
2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can. 
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
5. My favorite memory of your loved one is… 
6. I am always just a phone call away 
7. Give a hug instead of saying something 
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you 
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person 

For the Love of Close Reading

Talking to another English teacher this week we discussed our similar realization about students and their aversion to close-reading. In short, inexperienced readers grow impatient with text and do not want to go back and dare re-read anything they’ve think they’ve read before. 

The problem is, inexperienced readers often do not understand what they read the first time they read it. This is partly because they do not ask questions of the text. To really become involved with a story, a reader has to chew on it similar to the way food lovers masticate over juicy steak. Yes, I  just compared reading to the pleasure of food. Words have layers of flavor. They should leave some sort of after-taste in your mind, or you didn’t really read it. You might haven eaten it, but what’s the point if you can’t express or articulate about what you just ate? Where’s the joy in dining? 

Earlier today, I came across the beautiful quotation below about close-reading. After all, what does it mean to study? I’ve come to believe that it means reading something new, then re-reading it, mulling over its meaning, adding personal commentary, followed by comparing/ connecting that data across background experience and other curricular disciplines, then, and only then, determining how it affects oneself and the world around. Information is supposed to lead us somewhere. We don’t read in vain. There must be purpose… or again, what’s the point? 

“Study leads to precision, 

precision leads to zeal, 

zeal leads to cleanliness, 

cleanliness leads to restraint, 

restraint leads to purity, 

purity leads to holiness, 

holiness leads to humility, 

humility leads to fear of sin, 

fear of sin leads to saintliness, 

saintliness leads to possessing the holy spirit, 

the holy spirit leads to eternal life.” 

– The Talmud, Tractate Avodah Zarah 20b:10 

Studying brings life. Nice.