- If my classroom is immaculate, my house is not (and vice a versa) – or – When trying to do
- everything, you’re bound to mess up something.
- If a teacher forgets what it’s like to be a student, he or she’ll end up sounding like a mother. (I
- have an example already)
- Some students really do hate other students. (This shouldn’t have shocked me so since schools
- are really microcosms of societies at large).
I reached the above insights through the following experiences— It all started so well: smiling
faces, minute-to-minute planning and procedures for all foreseeable possibilities, color coded
drawers and table groupings, helpful hint-like posters on the wall. How was I to suspect things fall
apart so quickly? Science should have reminded me, “Entropy happens,” because it takes WORK to
get and keep INTERIA going. Because middle school students have so many vectors influencing
them from all over, in order to keep a single direction going it takes a ton of consistent ENERGY for
motion to happen. (Of course this is where I come in: saying the same directions repeatedly,
reminding and enforcing a seemingly million-little specific procedures I’ve dreamed-up, and then
balancing all that against what makes-sense practically while not lowering my expectations of students)! Sigh. But the real rub is…
Students are extremely adaptable. They can be trained to do anything a teacher requires them to
do. It takes time, discipline, and a certain amount of understanding – but anything, yes any
expectation, can be reached. The follow-up questions should be, “What things are worth
expecting? And how do I communicate those in a way students also understand they’re worth
expecting of themselves?”
Back to the point, I feel like there are moments of slipping. Not only in enforcing but also by
adding on new things and doing them well. It was Wednesday before I could take attendance
adding on new things and doing them well. It was Wednesday before I could take attendance
online and then I proceeded to submit it incorrectly by marking all my present students absent and
absent ones as present. It was only a matter of hours before I had a parent showing up to my
classroom door inquiring whether or not her student had skipped school. Talk about awkward… I
was in the middle of another class! And then another parent called about grades when I haven’t
even put any in the system yet… not a good sign regarding technology, and believe me, I like
technology, but not if it’s meant for micro-managing? Yes, I did fix the attendance and grades will
go in this weekend, but the stack of papers intimidates and frightens the more I let it build. Just like
a blank page, the stack feels more doable once I begin.
As far as sounding like a mother… It was in my Green 04 class that I actually said in a loud voice
“What part of Silent Writing do you not understand?!” As soon as it was out of mouth I was
embarrassed, frustrated with myself, and aware that I sank to a low of ‘professionalism.’ I had let
the students’ blatant chatter and ignorance of the task at hand get to me in an emotional way. This is
NEVER allowed. I shocked myself. I couldn’t believe I had let such grossly cliché words come out
of my mouth! I couldn’t help but think, “I’m better than that! Why in the world did I use that
phrase? Of all the no-good, lame-dictatorial, mumbo-jumbo, why that idiotic question? It doesn’t
even allow for a good answer! No, it’s only meant rhetorically, as an insult to stun and shut
students up. Ugh, I detest such tactics.” Of course they will get an apology Monday. Of course I’m
going to spend most of the weekend thinking about how I can re-structure that class for better
management. And of course I wonder how I can build community… especially with students who
hate other students.
Seeing such lack of human cooperation actually made me cry today (that is later, never in front of
students). Thankfully there’s a Starbucks within walking distance of my 1950’s no-central-air-
conditioning Denver Public Schools’ building. I spent my planning period there sipping an iced
coffee and wishing I could teach in my swimsuit, or better yet, hold class in a florist’s delivery
chiller with parkas and pencils. Okay so really my ponderings were about two students I
accidently paired up for a class project, not knowing they’ve been arch enemies since 2nd grade.
Another oops. Naturally they refused to work together and I didn’t adapt to their situation fast
enough for them to get anything out of the activity. I did talk to them after but apart from a
shallow-ish speech using “someday when your boss asks you to work on a project together with
someone else you don’t like, what are you going to do?” I really didn’t have any good ideas.
I’d like to think I could fix hate. Or at least teach cooperation. But that’s just it… I can only teach.
Change is always on an individual level. It’s a heart choice and always will be.
