Mid-Semester Chaos

It must be at the 5 week point, mid-way of every quarter that I feel like TOO many of my students 

are failing because they aren’t turning in their work or aren’t taking the content seriously. I feel like 

my classes are out-of-controllably-loud and don’t respect me either. Sure they “like” me, but they 

do the rudest things, such as interrupting me on the phone or when I’m talking with another 

student, or even giving directions. This can only mean thing… In what ways am I allowing these 

behaviors happen and how can stop them from happening? 

It’s not enough to threaten, but what can I really do to them? I already keep them after class (before 

lunch)? I could start keeping and dock a semester long participation grade… I could have them 

write “Reflections” on their behavior in class… I don’t know; I could try it all I guess! 

And the grades! Ugh, the grades… I hope they’re scaring the students as much as they’re scaring 

me. No I don’t feel like I give too much homework, but to hear the complaints, one would think I 

do. There are so many things already that I would do differently next year… and some complaints 

are legit, such as me changing the directions or not providing explicit-enough directions the first time (often because I just created the assignment the day before, because unlike seasoned teachers, 

I don’t have a backlog of resources to pull from and have to create mostly everything)! 

So if one calculates the time I’m researching, creating, calculating the calendar, grading and 

updating scores, it’s no wonder I always feel behind! 

Oh and how the kids ‘pick’ on that weakness… “What’s my grade? Is that make-up work in yet? When are we getting back our book reports? When is this whole paper due? When are we going to the computer lab? Are we going to be graded on this?”… Again, all LEGIT questions, but my mind starts to swirl faster than my body 

as I retrieve this paper, look up that score, rummage for that draft, and report back to take the floor 

and give directives. The first 5 minutes of class can feel like a maddening dance with my as the Joker in a jingle-bell hat vying for attention. 

“Waiting for Superman” & First Quarter Teaching

Last night some coworkers and I went and saw “Waiting for Superman” with an audience of other 

underpaid and unappreciated teachers who are concerned about the education of America’s youth. 

And as a result, well… we had mixed views on the movie: 

Yes, the following of individual student’s stories was powerful (taking time to look at any 

individual student will always leave you feeling that way). Yes, we are behind globally in 

education and tomorrow’s tech companies will be recruiting more foreigners than Americas 

because our youth won’t be qualified. Yes, teacher unions don’t really want EVERY teacher to have 

an autonomous voice regarding reform policy and legislative possibilities. Yes, 1 in 5 charter 

schools are super effective… 

But no, they aren’t silver bullets either. No, teacher effectiveness wasn’t defined. No, the movie 

didn’t say how student growth or performance would be evaluated. No, it didn’t look at successful 

neighborhood schools but only ones with an application/ lottery = admissions process. No, it 

didn’t address teacher induction programs/ training. If even Geoffrey Canada was a bad teacher 

his 1st and 2nd years of teaching, then how and in what way can novice teachers hope to be 

effective teachers from the get-go? In short… the movie is worth seeing in theatre because with 

each ticket you get a $15 DonorsChoose gift certificate to use on any project you decide best. Our 

group is going to get DODGE BALLS for our school (since we don’t have P.E. classes and little 

team-based equipment). 

So again… the evening wasn’t a total waste, though I’m still not sure how or where educational

reform is going in this country. Will I join a union next year (since I’m not even eligible this year, 

nor are Teach for America participants)? Probably not because one can get liability insurance 

anywhere… and I’m still not exactly sure what the union does other than that… Some teachers 

want the possibility of earning six-figures or the freedom to work through their lunch break if that 

best helps their students… Hrm. Dunno. Shesh, I don’t really want to be political. I just want to be 

a good teacher and focus on that. 

*** In other thoughts on finishing first-quarter… I feel like my students when… 

• It’s Friday morning and I’m elated to sleep-in tomorrow morning 
• I haven’t started my graduate 8-page research paper due tomorrow and am instead writing this 
• journal 
• I have over an hour of homework every night (and believe me, I always do) 
• Oh, and if I had to guess, here are some of the common, constant, and controversial questions of all teachers: See Below:

Do we make excuses for our students? Does education set them up to fail by not enforcing 

organization (notebook checks, certain required materials)… and what if the students/ school 

don’t have the supplies? 

Is it right for students fail over homework? What about class-work that isn’t finished in class (and 

therefore becomes homework), should students be able to hold onto those papers an extra day to 

turn them in? And if students can’t hold on papers, how are they going to study or hold onto 

papers that are important to them? It’s as if organization is just as much a make or break point as 

timeliness of assignments. 

We say “High Expectations,” but what does that mean? Is that like trying to define “teacher 

effectiveness”? Is the subjective-ness of education its strength or weakness? ‘Democratic education’ 

might have something to say about that… 

Why do the same parents that purposefully chose a hard school for their students, then turn 

around and ask for exceptions on those expectations? How do can I be effective when there are 34 

kids all are varying levels? Does differentiation have to be chaos? And if not, what am I doing 

wrong that causes it to feel that way? 

As a result, I work to fight against – 

Apathy (un-energized empathy), it’s what you begin to feel when certain students start to piss 

you off. When students show even the least amount of appreciation, let along civility, it’s amazing 

how much harder I’m willing to work for them… but when students start like A-holes, well I want 

be a B-witch right on back. Obviously, as the professional I don’t, but I do count to ten, practice 

deep breathing, and then smile silently. I tell myself, it’s not the students that are dislikable, but the 

attitudes they’ve picked up from somewhere. How I would love to wipe off smirks, and force 

students to rescind their negative disrespectful twit comments. But no, I can’t FORCE them to do 

anything. I’m annoyed, but how do I turn my annoyance into productive, reflective, “your momma 

wouldn’t like that” guilt-trips?

Around Six or Seven Weeks (who knows?) of Teaching

Students bustle to and from class in the hallway outside my door. 

Some days I feel like a failure and other days, well, famously fantastic! Working with 

adolescents can sometimes make one feel like having their invariable mood swings. I ‘worry’ about 

so many things, like whether I offended my shy student for half-listening while dealing with other 

pressing concerns. Fortunately, she was warm towards me the next day, a fact I can only thank 

TEEN-RESILENCY for. I do believe kids forgive adults for not being perfect, but it certainly helps if 

they feel like adults are trying their best. “Kindness covers a multitude of sins,” hmm… or is that 

“a soft answer turns away wrath?” Eh, they go hand-in-hand. 

What a week! 

When a student says, “I hate this class,” do they say that for the same reasons I’m thinking? Hate 

is a strong word, but most teenagers seem to like STRONG words (especially those famous 

absolutes of no one, always, and never). Do the 34 students crammed around table groupings in 

our small room bother them? Or is it the ten talkers who shout-out, get up/ walk around, throw 

things, and interrupt the overall learning of the class with their impervious distractions? As the 

teacher, how do I allow such behaviors continue? What am I doing (or not doing) to maintain order for the 

students who want to get the most out of 8th grade English? How do I instill consistency when I only see 

students every other day? Does research suggest teenagers forget information overnight, or was that only my 

brain? 

Of course, the “I hate this class” statement might have nothing to do with the dynamics and 

everything to do with the content rigor. Currently 1/6th of my students are failing and mainly 

because they are missing multiple assignments. How can I give students a score for something they 

haven’t done? Which brings me back to the nature of grades – Do they measure a student’s 

preparation/ planning, organization, ability to follow directions, and engagement, or focus only on 

Language Arts standards like reading comprehension and writing protocols. YES. It’s nearly 

impossible to separate the two, and certainly in the work world we don’t. A boss can’t evaluate the 

quality of your project if you don’t possess the self-management skills to complete it (let alone on 

time). 

Still somehow, I see it as my awesome (fearful) responsibility to ensure students get their @#$* 

together. The ranges of student abilities challenges me enough and I’m unsure how to support 

students that don’t verbalize/ recognize their struggles in the class. Going through the grade book, 

I make a list of students and their missing assignments, wondering WHY – Did they not understand 

the directions? Did they not know how to do the assignment? Did they forget? Did something unrelated 

happen to them outside of class? The list of possibilities goes on… 

I think about schools that require students with missing assignments for the day to stay after school 

and make them up. Such a change would certainly place academics more at the forefront of school 

values.  I kind of wish my school had something similar – some may argue that it’s good to let kids 

fail in 8th grade before high school grades matter for college admittance, but the thing is, if they 

don’t learn good management skills in Jr. High, how are they going to suddenly change for high 

school? By not pushing accountability with a pro-active solution addressing the problem, the 

pattern will continue.

TIME isn’t only a student issue, but a teacher one as well. I better understand why teachers have 

summers off now; during school months they can average 10-14 hour work days depending on 

clubs, sports, parent-meetings/ student-conferences, returning email, planning, grading/ giving 

feedback, and inputting/ assessing data. It all adds up and I walk out of school befuddled as to 

where the time went. Choosing to take an online grad-level class this semester in addition to 

everything else was probably not the best decision (understatement inserted here). 

And how do I STOP thinking about my students when I’m not at school? 

Is it strange that I feel like they’re “mine”? Is it because I’m a female without local family, or does 

it have to do with the larger message from society placing students’ final failures and success on 

teachers? Could any other profession, would any other profession, accept such a charge? I don’t 

know. I kind of want to interview a police officer and ask whether he/ she is able to block out 

work-related ‘cases, faces, and places’ when away. 

Do teachers CRAVE busyness? I think I do to some extent… if I’m not researching, planning, 

writing, or thinking, then what am I supposed to be doing? Work is life. Life is work. Living in the 

in between moments, how does one really do that? I fear the un-planned, un-busied, quiet 

moments of the mind and soul. Because stress is better than depression, “I don’t have time,” feels 

like an easier response. 

One thing’s for sure, and I’ve probably said it before, I was made to teach… even if it’s messy, 

even if I’m clueless, overwhelmed, emotional when alone, and obsessive-compulsive trying to 

maintain structures/ organization… I love, love, love what I get to do every day! 

3 Weeks of Not ‘Fully’ Teaching

Last week, this week, and next week only consist of 4 days for students; a fact makes planning 

easier, but what about meeting the consistent seat-time they need? Do we do enough? 

I think about several charter schools where teachers see their students everyday for 60-80 min, 

instead of my 90 min every other day. How do I fit in ‘cool’ literature and activities when there are 

so many necessary writing skills that need re-taught or refined for my student’s learning benefit?! 

Ack. 

Grading the district benchmark test on Friday did help and alarm me in its own way. Hmm… I guess I need to give lessons on paragraph indentation, apostrophes/ possessives, passive vs. active voice, 

along with the important subject of audience and purpose. Or so the internal thoughts say as I continue 

grade around 300 pages of student writing this weekend. 

I feel so blessed and privileged to have this role though, holed up on the couch reading personal 

narratives/ true stories about gang violence, cutting, teen pregnancy, divorce, immigration, 

cliques, adoption, and burned friendships. My students have made me cry, laugh, feel inspired, 

and impressed with their resiliency, maturity and reflection. Truly reading their prose is on the 

best parts of my job; to think, I get to meet and teach our society’s beautiful, creative, and 

expressive youth. 

Of course catch me in the middle of a crazy school day when those cherubs can’t stop chitchatting 

long enough to hear directions, and I might have other expressions. Also, there is writing that isn’t 

appropriate and who am I to judge if a student is acting satirical/ sarcastic instead of actually 

creepy/ evil? Do his creative writings make him the next Tim Burton (movie genius) or Ted 

Bundy? They were kids once too… Is it just a matter of too many hours playing gore-related video 

games, or is it a developmental imbalance? Yikes. 

All I can say is, God Bless parents with teenage boys, for who can understand what all goes on in their 

cognitively developing skulls? Not I… in some ways I’m not ready to know about my student’s 

personal lives. It’s hard not to feel responsible or anxious for them about things that are beyond my 

control. 

(For example, I think back to the 9th grader yelling on the phone with his girlfriend below my 

classroom window. Granted, he did not turn his conversation into me as a piece of writing, but he 

might as well have with all the detailed expression he used). 

Anyway, I have a feeling I’m going to be more involved with some of these kids than I thought… 

and that’s not a bad thing; it’s just not what I expected. No one told me that writing teachers 

became the keeper of secrets, and which ones do I have to tell and which ones are just between my 

students and me? I so don’t want to get it wrong… no wonder teacher’s have liability insurance.

Reflections on the my 2nd FULL week of teaching

Language Arts (or probably any class for that matter) shouldn’t be taught after lunch. Students might be mind-tired at 7:30 am, but sugar combined with afternoon heat makes students CRAZY-talking waiting for the bell! 

In other mess-ups this week, I assigned my 7th graders a book report asking for both a plot and a 

summary. What’s the difference? I don’t even know. Fortunately I figured out what I meant in time 

for the 8th grade classes, changing the second requirement to reaction/ opinion of the book. Why 

not? I think that’s higher level Bloom’s anyway. 

Sometimes I get scared that my students will know that I’m playing teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I 

AM A TEACHER, but all teachers, first and foremost, are learners. Generally I’m a handful of steps 

ahead of the class when it comes to knowing what’s happening next. Yes there is a year overview, 

unit objectives and all that, but NO ONE can account for the everyday hiccups, snafus, and 

possibly concussing events that make up school. Without adapting for those, it wouldn’t be 

teaching. 

Stephen King said teaching is like having jumper-cables on the brain all time, to the extent that at 

the end of the day I’m questioning myself — For example, I saw a kid skateboarding down the 

hallway after school and I had to think to myself, “Is he allowed to do that?” I couldn’t remember a 

rule saying he couldn’t and I don’t just want to nag kids when there are only a few rules, but then 

another teacher did point out the obvious and correct the student who skateboarded past me. I 

then felt very sheepish for not correcting the student myself and using better common sense to 

figure out rules that I don’t even know are rules. At the end of the day that common sense feels 

very much removed… especially when we don’t have ways of enforcing (short-shorts) dress code 

rules in stubborn heat or to catch every middle school student shoved in a locker. As teachers we 

just hear about these things and as a newbie I struggle to find ‘my middle’ or the proper response 

all the time. 

I’m okay if students don’t like me because they think my class is hard and I make them work, 

because I know eventually their pride in themselves for what they have learned and accomplished 

will cause a deeper liking than anything else. However, I’m not okay if students think I’m mean 

without reason, and I’ll admit there’s one class (that blessed Green 4) that makes me want to be 

mean! 

I know I can’t make students enemies by going on some power-trip for class control, and I don’t 

mean to, but there are so many talkers in that section I don’t even know how to separate them. Oh,and just because students correct their behavior doesn’t mean they correct their ATTITUDE!!! Each 

person controls that and while I can say “don’t yuck my yum” until I’m blue in the face, students 

have to come some maturity or realization alone. So how do I control my attitude? How do I 

inspire a better attitude in those who are watching me for a reaction? A consequence? 

“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. The tongue of the wise makes 

knowledge appealing (Gee, isn’t that what teachers are supposed to do), but the mouth of a fool 

belches out foolishness… Gentle words are a tree of life…”  – Proverbs 15:1,2,4 

I really like the idea of kind words or knowledge being like a tree. It’s something strong to hold 

onto, something you can climb up higher for a better perspective on the world around you. Trees 

don’t command; they invite hands to collect fruit, climb, and play in the branches to see what there 

is to see. After all it’s WORDS that inspire me to do better and be better for those around me too 

P.S. These weekly reflections are in no way ‘me being hard myself.’ That kind of reflection leads to 

depression. These mini-rants are a way for me to laugh at my mistakes and think quietly on how 

experiences can teach, shape, and encourage new efforts for the upcoming week. 

What I learned during my first FULL week of teaching

• If my classroom is immaculate, my house is not (and vice a versa) – or – When trying to do 

• everything, you’re bound to mess up something. 

• If a teacher forgets what it’s like to be a student, he or she’ll end up sounding like a mother. (I 

• have an example already) 

• Some students really do hate other students. (This shouldn’t have shocked me so since schools 

• are really microcosms of societies at large). 

I reached the above insights through the following experiences— It all started so well: smiling 

faces, minute-to-minute planning and procedures for all foreseeable possibilities, color coded 

drawers and table groupings, helpful hint-like posters on the wall. How was I to suspect things fall 

apart so quickly? Science should have reminded me, “Entropy happens,” because it takes WORK to 

get and keep INTERIA going. Because middle school students have so many vectors influencing 

them from all over, in order to keep a single direction going it takes a ton of consistent ENERGY for 

motion to happen. (Of course this is where I come in: saying the same directions repeatedly, 

reminding and enforcing a seemingly million-little specific procedures I’ve dreamed-up, and then 

balancing all that against what makes-sense practically while not lowering my expectations of students)! Sigh. But the real rub is… 

Students are extremely adaptable. They can be trained to do anything a teacher requires them to 

do. It takes time, discipline, and a certain amount of understanding – but anything, yes any 

expectation, can be reached. The follow-up questions should be,  “What things are worth 

expecting? And how do I communicate those in a way students also understand they’re worth 

expecting of themselves?” 

Back to the point, I feel like there are moments of slipping. Not only in enforcing but also by 
adding on new things and doing them well. It was Wednesday before I could take attendance 

online and then I proceeded to submit it incorrectly by marking all my present students absent and 

absent ones as present. It was only a matter of hours before I had a parent showing up to my 

classroom door inquiring whether or not her student had skipped school. Talk about awkward… I 

was in the middle of another class! And then another parent called about grades when I haven’t 

even put any in the system yet… not a good sign regarding technology, and believe me, I like 

technology, but not if it’s meant for micro-managing? Yes, I did fix the attendance and grades will 

go in this weekend, but the stack of papers intimidates and frightens the more I let it build. Just like 

a blank page, the stack feels more doable once I begin. 

As far as sounding like a mother… It was in my Green 04 class that I actually said in a loud voice 

“What part of Silent Writing do you not understand?!” As soon as it was out of mouth I was 

embarrassed, frustrated with myself, and aware that I sank to a low of ‘professionalism.’ I had let 

the students’ blatant chatter and ignorance of the task at hand get to me in an emotional way. This is 

NEVER allowed. I shocked myself. I couldn’t believe I had let such grossly cliché words come out 

of my mouth! I couldn’t help but think, “I’m better than that! Why in the world did I use that 

phrase? Of all the no-good, lame-dictatorial, mumbo-jumbo, why that idiotic question? It doesn’t 

even allow for a good answer! No, it’s only meant rhetorically, as an insult to stun and shut 

students up. Ugh, I detest such tactics.” Of course they will get an apology Monday. Of course I’m 

going to spend most of the weekend thinking about how I can re-structure that class for better 

management. And of course I wonder how I can build community… especially with students who 

hate other students. 

Seeing such lack of human cooperation actually made me cry today (that is later, never in front of 

students). Thankfully there’s a Starbucks within walking distance of my 1950’s no-central-air- 

conditioning Denver Public Schools’ building. I spent my planning period there sipping an iced 

coffee and wishing I could teach in my swimsuit, or better yet, hold class in a florist’s delivery 

chiller with parkas and pencils. Okay so really my ponderings were about two students I 

accidently paired up for a class project, not knowing they’ve been arch enemies since 2nd grade. 

Another oops. Naturally they refused to work together and I didn’t adapt to their situation fast 

enough for them to get anything out of the activity. I did talk to them after but apart from a 

shallow-ish speech using “someday when your boss asks you to work on a project together with 

someone else you don’t like, what are you going to do?” I really didn’t have any good ideas. 

I’d like to think I could fix hate. Or at least teach cooperation. But that’s just it… I can only teach. 

Change is always on an individual level. It’s a heart choice and always will be. 

Reflecting on my experience with DENVER WRITING PROJECT

SUMMER 2010 INSTITUTE FEEDBACK

1.     Please comment on the following features of the institute:

-Writing Groups:

My group became something special, and it never would of if we hadn’t shared our writing with one another. Having constructed seemingly perfect prose we felt strong enough in our talents to be vulnerable with our voices. I know our group will remember all our shared stories, well into the future. We are The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pen after all ;-)

-Guest Presenters:

I really enjoyed the Fiction and Poetry workshop presenters because their methods of engagement for us were simple and replicable with my students. I took thorough notes on their strategies, along with the readings Comic Strips piece, all of which were helpful in teaching me (by showing me how to teach) reading and writing as a writer.

-Demonstrations:

I benefited from watching and participating in other colleagues’ expertise and teaching process. As a first year teacher, I found their models invaluable and grew from the opportunity and challenge of presenting my own demo for other professionals to glean from. Now, I have a pretty good idea of what I would do differently along with a notebook of tested resources to pull out of next year.

-Writing Marathons:

At first I was slow to respond to the Writing Marathons, but like everyone has said, writing involves practice. I came to value the required time by treating it like creative space where I could try anything new and struggle through my own writing process so as to better understand my students’ dilemmas and fears when it comes to writing. Now it’s something I plan on having my students do too; a chance to get out of the classroom and change their perspective to allow for new ones on their papers.

2.     What was the best part of the institute for you? Why?

I looked forward to guided instruction everyday. Because of the high expectations and supports in DWP, my competencies grew along with my confidence. I needed the push during the summer to make the investment in literacy learning and personal/ professional development of my own writing. I walked away with a greater desire and interest in continuing literacy strategies such as using model texts, teaching students to read like readers/ writers, along with choice and voice in the classroom. These strategies were used in DWP and engaged me as a participant, a similar effect I would like to see in my classroom this next year.

3.     What was the worst part? Why?

The worst part for me was REFLECTION. In a profession so dependent on one’s ability to perceive and discern, I often find that I’m not alone in my loathing of reflection. This is probably because it doesn’t seem guided enough, or fruitful enough, as there is always more that can be reflected upon. However, with that said, I did see the benefit of Inquiry Journals. There were several models and I guess I wrote a few myself, but it’s still an area I need to grow more in. Otherwise, it seems a little hypocritical to ask my students to write (show their metacognition) without recording my own thinking.

4.     What changes would you like to see in the institute?

More explanation on reflection and inquiry journals might be helpful from a teacher’s perspective. While it was addressed, and I did read Stephen King’s On Writing, I still would like more support on the practice. Maybe if we had another book/ blog of a teacher’s inquiry/ reflection process, I could compare that to a ‘professional writer’s process. Shortly after DWP I did find on my own example in Cynthia Urbanski’s Using the Workshop Approach, Chapters 1 & 3, where she connects teaching with coaching and writing to running. Her prose flows logically while including failure scenarios as well. It made me want to write or explore something similar in describing my own frustrating process of reflection.

5.     Please comment on the institute leadership team’s work.

I thought everyone on the leadership team was extremely graceful, helpful, knowledgeable, and enthusiastic about writing! Never did anyone make me feel stupid or afraid of sharing my work. Whenever I had a question or concern I knew I could ask someone on the leadership team. I would say they went beyond DWP requirements and expectations, making the institute a delight to participate in. Thank y’all so much!

6.     What else would you like to say about the Denver Writing Project Summer Institute?

I can’t wait for it next year, and would like to bring fellow teachers with me. Also, I would like to continue my contact with the leadership team and other DWP Fellows in pursuit of continuing professional development and literacy learning. It has been a wonderful experience!